my new found freedom

last weekend..ive been staying at my friend's house for the whole weekend since i have a big fight with my mom. only then i realized..ive been missing out a lot of things...dont get me wrong!
i love staying at home.i have a home-cooked meal (D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S), my comfy bed, and bla3x...but..when u r staying with ur friends...its a different feelings. when im hungry at nite..i cn juz tell them..n we can go to KFC at 1am!n nobody will care!n i can go out anywhere n anytime..w/out feeling scared or uneasy..knowing that my mom will call n ask me to go bck home..im 23 rite now...i guess..i dont like being controlled anymore..and going out at nite..n lepak?its fun!i never had tat for a long time...and staying with your friends means..u can talk fun stuff with them all the time..i noe how to take care of myself..i noe what is right n what is wrong...all i want is...a little bit of freedom..

n talking about my BIG FIGHT with my mom?yeah!its a pain in the heart! she cannot see what is her mistakes...we dont talk until now..i feel bad..yeah!but,im sad too...im hurt too..
what i can say is..outsiders will always breaks a family apart..
tell me if im wrong..but..when ur mom seems to love sum1 else instead of their own child..it is wrong...n when ur mom buy more stuff to sum1 else more than her own daughter...who doesnt get hurt?
but i dont care now...she says its her money..she can buy anything to whoever she wants..
so...watever!

a new day has come...

it is very weird how my life has changed completely in the past few weeks. i've started my practical training at PERMATA. i've meet new people. and i know how work feels like. it sucks! for the fact that i have no life...and im very tired at night..i cant even managed to watch television at nights. however, ive met a lot of wonderful, good people at PERMATA. and im very happy there. my boss is very2 kind and nice, and she really teaches me a lot. and im very2 grateful for that. and most of my co-workers are very nice too.there, i join pilates and aerobics for the 1st time there.and its fun...and funny. i also have to travel a lot. i juz got back from kuala terengganu. i used to enjoy travelling, but now, i feel like it is a burden especially if we are travelling to work.its tiring!

oohh...and ya..since ive been working at PERMATA, ive decided to move in with my friend, liza at serdang.but the funny thing is, my 2nd day of work, i went back to my home and after ive been staying there for a few week, i decided to move back home and travel every day! haha!
i know now that im not strong enough to be away from home. i miss my bed, i miss my room, i miss my mom and i miss my nockin.its killing me to see nockin not as close to me as usual. now when im back home, she's with my brother!and im jealous!she doesnt want to sleep with me anymore. and another reason i move back home because, i know my mum misses me, and i know she doesnt have anyone to talk to, to pour out her feeling, since when i was with her, im the only one who listen to all her nagging.

but, eventhough how tired i am, eventhough sometimes all i want is juz to snuggle in my bed and watch movies, i realized that this is the good opportunity for me to learn. ive a very good working environment. not to mention, i can eat free buffet almost everyday because almost everyday, there's a meeting or training i have to attend to.hehe! and my boss doesnt even treat me like a practical student. she treats me like one of the employee. i learn a lot of things here.
i know im lucky and i should be grateful for this!

oh ya..and now i dont mind working very hard because i'll be travelling to bali with my best frens this early july!i cant wait for this! :)

my life has gone the way it should be for most part. however, there is someone that i miss....
always think of....

the good old days..

i miss my old life...
as i get older..i realize that life is getting much more harder than i think it shud be..
n im not prepared for this...
i miss my school life..when..i dont hv to worry about anything...and im surrounded by my best friends...
my best friends in school is still my best friends now..but we cant deny that things have changed..we've been separated...we study in different places...
of course we always hang out together n doing stuff..but is it enuff?what happen if one of us reli need a shoulder to cry on..but..we've been separated far away...hundreds of kilometers away..
n we all are caught up in our own life..have our own things to do n settle..n cant reli be there for her?its a very2 sad feeling..not being there for your best frens when they need u...
now only i realize that life is hard n complicated..
believe it or not...i think i cnt even handle my own life right now...
i think im gonna fall...
im tired...i hv lots of work to do..
too many work...too little time...
i have a bedtime..i need to hv enough sleep!i cnt be like other ppl...sleep only two hours a day. i cnt do that!because i'll get sick...i will have headache the following day.
n this thing is killing me rite now....i wanna be strong like other ppl do...
but i cnt...im sooo worried about all this assignments..n tests..n reports..i dont noe which one i shud do..
what shud i do?oh god..help me..
i have 4tests next week...2 assignments to submit..2 reports..and a field trip+i still have to go to class..lets juz pray for the best...

the loneliness inside me

i dont noe y recently...i always have a dream about him..it seems so real...his scent...the way he touch my hands...the way i feel about him...it seems so familiar...and comforting!damn! dont tell me that i miss him..that i still remember about him..oh god..plz la make me forget evrything about him..my life is difficult as it is already!haih!
and lately...my life has been kind of boring..no one to like..no one to think of..so..it is quite boring.. not having anyone to adore..but the truth is...im soooo bz..i dont hv time for all that crap..but still..my life is boring..all my best friends are away...bz...leaving me in s.alam..ALONE!haih!at night...im juz alone..doing my work..no one to talk to...n the next morning going to class..it has been kind of a routine..n its killing me...bosaaannn!!!!

im wishing u a happy birthday..in silent...

hey u...im wishing u a happy birthday..in silent...
hope u r happy and have a great life...n a great year...
sumtimes...eventhough how much we try to hate someone...there will be times we'll remember da good thing about him...especially on his birthday...how every year i cnt wait to gv him a present and hoping he would love it... but im sure now he'll get more present from all his gf's.not sure how many though..n he'll probably already forget me... :)

im sorry...

dear nockin...
im sorry i take u for granted...
im sorry i dont realize that your eyes is in serious condition...
im sorry that im too bz with stuff lately..i dont even care that much about u...
im sorry that you have to be through this pain because of me...
if i can transfer your pain to me...i would...
i cnt stand to see you in pain at the clinic...
i love you very2 much...
more than evrything sumtimes...
im sorry i am a crappy owner...
but i juz want to say that....i do love you very2 much..
u r a part of me...
u r a part of my life for now...
i dont care if you r blind...
i will take care of u for the rest of your life...
but i feel sorry because you cannot live like other cats do...
n its all because of me...
i feel guilty...
forgive me nockin...

obsessive compulsive

damn!
i hate girls with an "obsessive compulsive" problem...towards her bf!
n i hate the bf who think that the girl who is controlling him reli2 love him n nobody cant love him like that. n thats why she's acting like tat.its stupid!there's no such thing! so guys out there...plz la dont fall for tat!
she did tat because she is sooo insecure and selfish! stupid girl!who the hell do u tink u r?
suka2 ati je nk sound gurls yg frens ngn your bf! tlglah!so immature n insecure!n stupid!
n the bf...plz la dont expect me to "kipas" your gf so tat i can b fren with u!i wont do that!
haih!this life is full with weird n ppl with no brains!grrrr!im soooooo angry!
you noe wat?girl like tat hv no life except with her bf je kot!n if the bf dumped her?
pdn muka...bunuh diri je kot!i noe im mean rite now...plz forgive me..huhu!